yeah, you can get married or

renew your vows. all in honor of the 20th anniversary of the first same sex marriage in the u.s. outside lands is in august in s.f, so we can get married at outside land. now you can. wow [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- tiger woods. benny blanco. comedian, todd barry. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 1963. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's a great crowd. i love you. hey, welcome. that's a great -- welcome. thank you, thank you, thank you. enjoy yourself. enjoy yourself. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. you're here. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, i am so pumped about this. tiger woods is my guest tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and to make him feel comfortable, i personally carried his bag from the airport. yeah. [ laughter ] well, a lot of people don't know this, but combined, tiger and i have been featured on a a wheaties box 14 times. [ light laughter ] tiger, 14 times and me -- [ laughter ] well, speaking of full-time golfers, former president trump was back in court today for his hush money trial. and before entering the courtroom, he once again complained about the

temperature and called it a a "freezing cold icebox." [ laughter ] yeah, every day he is slowing turning into your grandma. "is there a draft? i hate drafts." he said it was an icebox. even biden's like, "it's called a freezer, you old man." [ laughter ] you could tell trump was freezing today when he wrapped his tie around his neck like a a scarf. [ laughter ] yep, trump was so cold, he came this close to hugging eric for warmth. [ laughter ] i thought that was nice. yeah. [ applause ] i saw that -- i saw that today, eric actually attended the trial. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: yeah, oh, i forgot to tell you guys, today was take your kid to court day. so it's -- earlier. [ laughter ] here's a sketch of eric in court. yeah. and then eric said to the sketch artist, "can you draw one of me riding a skateboard with buck teeth?" [ laughter ] of course, everyone has been talking about how trump keeps falling asleep during his trial. and today he dozed off several more times. [ laughter ]

eventually, trump's lawyer just slipped a pair of those fake awake glasses on him. [ laughter and applause ] "i'm paying attention." ♪ meanwhile, today, the judge held trump in contempt and fined him $9,000 for violating his gag order 9 times. yep, trump was like, "but i get the tenth one free, right?" [ laughter ] trump wasn't alone when they started talking about his night with stormy daniels, everyone gagged. [ audience ohs ] that's right. trump owes $9,000. he's like, "that's like 8 nfts, 9 pairs of gold sneakers, and 50 bibles. how am i supposed to pay that off." [ applause ] but this was nice, the judge also said that he won't hold the trial on may 17th so trump can attend his son barron's high school graduation. yeah. let me tell you, after sitting outside through a nine-hour graduation ceremony in florida, he's going to miss that air-conditioning. [ laughter ] he is. oh, and this photo of trump

walking into court after lunch is going viral. take a look at this. >> jimmy: yeah, this is -- [ laughter ] this is when he tried chipmunking mcnuggets back into the courtroom. [ laughter ] well, switching gears, some business news. walmart just announced that they're closing all of their health care clinics. great now i'm going to have to get my prostate exams at t.j. maxx. [ laughter ] for some reason people didn't like being vaccinated by a a 90-year-old walmart greeter with a shaky hand. it's like, "you're aiming at my eyeball. what's happening?" i didn't even know walmart had health care clinics. it's like krispy kreme announcing they're no longer offering pilates classes. [ laughter ] did you guys see this? dave & buster's is going to start allowing customers to bet on arcade games. until now the only way to gamble at dave & buster's was to eat there. [ laughter ] some more business news. domino's just launched a new promotion that tips customers who tip their delivery drivers.

yeah, so they're giving customers money to give their drivers money. [ laughter ] if only there were a simpler way. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i don't think there is. you guys, today is the last day of april. [ cheers and applause ] so, i thought it would be nice to give a little recap of the entire month. here, let's do a quick one. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. ♪ ♪ april's done it felt so short ♪ ♪ time flew by except in court ♪ ♪ one guy sat there every week, yeah ♪ >> donald trump fell asleep. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ we all looked up at the sun ♪ ♪ with our glasses it was fun ♪ ♪ what could top

a full eclipse how about♪ >> the latest album from taylor swift. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ caitlin clark is mvp ♪ ♪ challengers the top movie ♪ ♪ tennis stars behaving bad don't watch it with ♪ >> mom and dad. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ month of april there was plenty ♪ ♪ earth day, tax day and 4/20 ♪ ♪ also april fools' of course i wish that explained ♪ >> the first "golden bachelor" couple is getting a divorce. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ it was the fourth month of the year ♪ ♪ and now it's done the next one's here ♪ ♪ the only thing that's left to say is that ♪ ♪ it's gonna be may ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you very, very much. appreciate that. thank you, roots. ♪ it's gonna be may ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: finally, guys, the kentucky derby is this saturday, which means that it's time once again for "kentucky derby hat week."

here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ kentucky derby hat week kentucky derby hat week kentucky derby hat week ♪ >> jimmy: that's right. every show this week we're partnering with ford to give one lucky audience member a a rizz-tacular kentucky derby hat from the "derby hat starting gate." since this is day two, let's open gate number two and see what hat we're getting. let's see it. ready. one, two, three. wow. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] now that's a hat. that is a beautiful hat right there. that is a great kentucky derby hat. now let's see who is going home with tonight's hat. everyone, look at your seat number. and if i call your number, i need you to jump up, let me know where you are and you have to stand up because you have to try this on. quest, can i get a drum roll, please.

who wants this hat, come on? [ cheers ] [ drum roll ] >> jimmy: 298. ♪ where we going? where are we going? ♪ all right. [ cheers and applause ] hey! how you doing? come on now. how are you? >> good. how are you. >> jimmy: nice to see you. welcome to the show. >> thanks. >> jimmy: what is your name and where are you from? >> anna, duchess county. >> jimmy: hey, anna, duchess county, very good. anna, i realize that you didn't want to stand up to win this beautiful hat. [ laughter ] >> no, i -- >> jimmy: oh, you're just in shock. >> this is a lot of anxiety, actually. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's a lot. yeah, no pressure. there's no pressure at all. do you -- are you -- do you have a hat like this for kentucky derby? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't? so this is the first one like -- would you like to try it on right now? >> sure, of course. >> jimmy: you guys? i think it will be -- [ cheers and applause ] look at that. [ cheers and applause ] you look beautiful. that's fantastic.

no one will have a hat like you. i have to help you keep it up. try to keep it on the whole show. >> the whole show? >> jimmy: no, no, i'm just kidding. thank you so much. congratulations to our winner. a round of applause, please. [ cheers and applause ] thank you to everyone at ford. be sure to enter their derby day sweepstakes, where you have a chance to win a brand-new vehicle of your choice. an all new electric ford mustang mach-e, eco-boost powered bronco, or f- 150 powerboost hybrid. we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: there was a picture of you, i think it was the last day that you were playing, and it went viral on the internet. i don't know if you saw this. it's you shaking hands with a a tree. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's time. yes, the time has come for a fresh approach to dog food. everyday, more dog people are deciding it's time

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. it is time for the latest installment of my "do not read" list. here we go. ♪ do not read do not read do not read these books these books ♪

>> jimmy: now, before we start, i just want you all to know that every book that i'm about to show you is 100% real. these are actual books. you can find 'em on amazon or check them out at your local library. they are real -- i don't think they'll be at anyone's library. >> steve: well, they might be. >> jimmy: we'll never know. let's see. let's see what's on my "do not read" list. either way, if you see it, don't read it. [ light laughter ] that's what i'm saying, is that the point of this? yeah. this first one here's a a cookbook from the '80s called "microwave miracles" and, uh -- [ laughter ] got some clams, shrimp, lobster floating in like, a bowl of hot kool-aid there. that's good. [ laughter ] i know i'm at home, i might tell my wife, "hey, you want to microwave some clams?" [ light laughter ] but you know you're in good hands because it's from the culinary minds at sears. [ laughter ] so there you go. that's a good book. [ applause ] >> steve: that's a softer side, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm just saying, yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: they would know. "microwave miracles." >> steve: a terrine of kool-aid soup. >> jimmy: well, this next up is a classic. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: this is "middlemarch" by george eliot. >> steve: oh, yeah. love it. >> jimmy: it's considered one of the best novels ever

written. okay, now this is a used copy that i found that has something pretty interesting on the last page. this is real, look at this. it says, "marty, hey, sorry i left so abruptly, i'm just not happy." [ laughter ] >> steve: wow. [ rim shot ] wow. >> jimmy: wow. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: so someone was dating marty and waited until he finished an 810-page book -- [ laughter ] -- to drop the news that she was leaving. >> steve: yeah. make sure she got the footnotes, too. >> jimmy: i feel bad for marty. yeah, at least put it in the middle somewhere. i feel bad for marty. but i would read -- i would that book. >> steve: yeah. this is the "middlemarch." she marched right out in the middle. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. this next one is a book for animal lovers, okay? >> steve: love animals. >> jimmy: yeah, this is called "celebrities' favourite pets." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: higgins, name me a a celebrity. >> steve: okay, ryan reynolds and blake lively. >> jimmy: no. name me another celebrity. >> steve: tom cruise. >> jimmy: nope. keep going. >> steve: whoopi goldberg. >> jimmy: mm, no, how about bob anderson, professional darts player. [ laughter ] >> steve: that was the next one. that was the next one.

>> jimmy: yeah, that's who it is, that's who we got. "bob, you got a story?" "ooh, man, talking about pets? do i got a story for you. ooh, yeah." so here's bob anderson, professionals dart player's story. it says -- ♪ "as a 10-year-old i had a pet rabbit called, almost inevitably, thumper. he was a real pal. now with all the traveling i do, i'm unable to have a pet." [ laughter ] great story. [ laughter ] "that's a great story, bob. you sure you want to waste that on my book?" [ light laughter ] >> steve: you could turn that into -- >> jimmy: "what a gift. what a gift. thanks so much for giving me this great story about your pet, bob." [ light laughter ] >> steve: turn that into a a movie. >> jimmy: they should turn that into a movie. [ light laughter ] that's a beautiful story. next up is a children's book. i love children's books. this one is called "things to make for children." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: yeah. like a creepy ping-pong ball clown doll. [ laughter ] "you guys want to get scared tonight? guys want to get frightened?

let's put on 'dateline' -- let's put on 'dateline' and put the kids to sleep." frightening. this next book is a d.i.y. book. >> steve: oh, love it. >> jimmy: yeah. this is called "telephone repair illustrated." [ laughter ] by stephen bigelow. yeah, this is a good book here, but this one has a dedication page. >> steve: oh really? >> jimmy: isn't that nice? it says, "to my darling wife, kathleen. without your loving encouragement and support, this book still would have been possible --" [ laughter and applause ] [ rim shot ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: excuse me? why would you --? kathleen -- kathleen is like, "thanks a lot, stephen." maybe she threw a phone at him and said -- that's how -- inspired him to write the book. >> steve: maybe -- oh, maybe she was dating marty. >> jimmy: oh. [ audience ohs ] she was leaving marty during this time. >> steve: yeah, maybe marty wrote that as a penname. >> jimmy: oh, interesting, yeah. we're down to our last book, everybody. >> steve: aw. >> jimmy: this is called "spirit summonings." >> steve: ooh.

>> jimmy: look at this one. it seems kind of interesting, right there, "spirit summonings," yeah. let's see what it looks like when someone summons a spirit. [ laughter ] >> steve: okay, no. >> jimmy: i dunno. >> steve: oh, no. >> jimmy: looks like -- looks like he's summoning something else. [ laughter ] "don't come in here! don't come in here, it's occupied! occupied! i'm summoning spirits! don't come in here!" that's all the time we have for this edition of "do not read." if you have a book that you think should be on our next "do not read" list, send it to donotread@tonightshow.com. we'll be right back with tiger woods, everybody. come on, now. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we're together, we have 15 minutes to write a a song, what do we do? >> me and you? >> jimmy: yeah. >> we call someone up who's better. [ laughter ] we call up the roots and have them write one.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the greatest golfers to ever play the game. he has 82 pga tour wins and 15 majors. now he has a new apparel and footwear brand called sun day red which is available now at sundayred.com. please welcome tiger woods! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on now. come on. i gotta -- ♪ come on now. >> stop. >> jimmy: come on. >> i appreciate it. thank you. >> jimmy: the greatest. it always good to see you, buddy. come on.

how are you doing? everything good? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: you're looking good, pal. i want to look at this picture here. this is you and your son charlie playing at the pnc championship, and your daughter too, sam. >> yeah, sam was caddying for me and she had -- well, we had the greatest time. these two were like -- nibbling at each other and needling each other. i'm just trying to keep -- keep going, having fun, but they're like -- >> jimmy: they're brother and sister. >> they're brother and sister. they're not gonna listen to one another. >> jimmy: yeah, of course, yeah. >> it was awesome. >> jimmy: do you remember when we were at -- we were together, i think we were at a charity thing for one of your charity events. and we were sitting in a golf cart together, and we were going to this thing, and i just had my first daughter. and you were like, "how is your -- how's your --" >> that was a good -- yeah, that's a good story. >> jimmy: you go, "how's your baby?" yeah, you go, "how's your daughter?" i go, "she's great." i go, "tiger, let me show you a a video of my daughter." and you go, "okay." and i'm one of those dads that can't find the video. [ laughter ] you know, those annoying -- so i'm like looking through the thing, and you're sitting there patiently, you're like -- so i go, "how is your son, by the way?" as i'm looking. and you go, "he's great." i think he was 3 or 2 or something at the time. he was a baby, and -- >> yeah, he was still in

diapers. >> jimmy: he was in diapers and you go, "let me show you a a video of my son while you're looking for a picture of your daughter." [ laughter ] and you showed me a video of charlie and he's wearing diapers and has one of those -- >> chuckits, yeah. >> jimmy: a chuckit. you know, the thing that you throw balls for dogs with a a tennis ball, like a chuckit. so the baby walks up, charlie, he's holding a chuckit thing. he goes up to this tennis ball with the chuckit and goes -- [ laughter ] and hits this amazing -- he's a baby. he's a baby in diapers. and i go, "oh, i found my video." you go, "what are you -- i go, "this is my daughter sucking on a lemon for the first time." [ laughter ] thought that'd be funny. just two dads just being dads. >> we're being dads, we're having fun, right? >> jimmy: it was -- yeah. we were having fun, exactly. how was the -- how was the masters? >> it was awesome. no, it was awesome. >> jimmy: yeah, it was? >> just to be back, playing again, and to play there. >> jimmy: 26th? >> was it my 26th one? 24 in a row, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my god, buddy. do you still get -- >> yeah, not too bad. >> jimmy: yeah, not too shabby at all. do you still get that -- the energy when you get there? like, the feeling of augusta and you go, "i'm doing the --" >> yeah, i do and it's nothing

else like it. i've been playing there since i was a teenager. so, there's nothing like driving down magnolia lane and seeing that, and just seeing the topography, just -- and then the history of it. >> jimmy: i -- there was a a picture of you, i think it was the last day that you were playing, and it went viral on the internet. i don't know if you saw this. it's you shaking hands with a a tree. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what was this and do you remember this? >> well, it was -- yes, i do. it's the great verne lundquist, and he was there and he's -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's the best picture i've ever seen. i love this so much. [ laughter ] it went all over the internet. i don't know if you saw these -- >> no, i -- what happened? >> jimmy: there's a couple memes. >> okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this one here said, "when i asked for my receipt to be emailed instead of printed." that's pretty good. [ laughter and applause ] "ah, just email it to me, i don't want to see it." >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: this one here says, "how it feels to go on a good

hike." you know, you go, "hey, thanks a lot. thanks a lot, tree. i appreciate it." this last one was my favorite here, this one finally it says, "these edibles ain't --" yeah. [ laughter ] 30 minutes later you're shaking hands with a tree. >> that's awesome, that's awesome. >> jimmy: yeah, come on. >> oh, my goodness. >> jimmy: i also have to ask you about this thing that went viral, because only you can do this. you outdrove somebody while swinging your golf club from your knees. >> i did, and -- [ laughter ] i -- it was because, you know, i've been, unfortunately, my legs haven't worked as well as i've gotten older. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so i've had to learn how to hit a golf ball off my knees. >> jimmy: that's not -- not true at all. is this like a trick you knew how to do? >> yes. >> jimmy: from a kid? [ laughter ] >> yes. >> jimmy: and so, someone's like, "let's -- i'll have a a driving contest" and you go -- >> yeah. yeah. i had done it before. if they only knew like, what golfers do for gambling purposes or entertainment.

this is one of them. >> jimmy: i want everyone to take a look at this. watch this. >> all right. long drive contest. oh. >> no! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's insane. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that's insane. >> it's good for me. >> jimmy: yeah, it's great for you. yeah, you could do the whole 18 with that, man, why not, man. [ light laughter ] we were talking once and i asked you when your first hole in one was, 'cause i always figured, well, you were probably in high school or something like that. and you were like, "no, i think i was 6 or something." was it -- and it was at, was at putt-putt, right? >> nope. >> jimmy: where was it? >> i was 8. >> jimmy: oh, sorry. [ laughter ] sorry, i just lost my -- i won't be writing the book. okay, yeah, sorry. i was off two years. you were eight. >> no, you know, i was at a a par 3 course in hartwell and it was the 12th hole and i hit a 3 wood over top of a bunker and it rolled in. >> jimmy: is that right?

>> mm-hm. >> jimmy: and you just were like then -- [ cheers and applause ] i mean you're probably too young -- >> i didn't see it go in, 'cause i was too short. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. but you were 8 so you probably didn't know, "oh, i'm going to be a professional golfer" then. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: no. and here you are, you're tiger woods. every time you come on, you always bring a fun story or a a new thing and now you have a a new athluxury line, i will say, i will call it. it's gorgeous, it's called sun day red. look at this. you're wearing it right now. super soft, what -- what's the thing behind this? how did you get involved with this? >> well, it's about athletes being first, and designing something for the athlete, so that we can perform at a higher level. and here we are with sun day red. >> jimmy: yeah, and you wanted to do this because you said, "i want it to be so comfortable. i want it to feel like you're golfing naked." [ laughter ] is that another trick that you know how to do? [ laughter ] >> no. that is true. that is true. but if it helps you, then so be

it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why the name sun day red? >> maybe because i've won a few tournaments on sunday and wearing red. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: why -- why red? why is that the -- >> no, the red -- the red story is actually a good one. it comes from my mom. my mom thought it was my being a capricorn, whatever, is my power color or some b.s. thing like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> so, i end up wearing red, and i'm winning some junior golf tournaments, and then to spite her i wore blue -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i did not win those tournaments. [ laughter ] so, mom is always right. >> jimmy: yeah, your mom is always right. [ cheers and applause ] she's like, "hey, bud, wear red. tiger, i told you." >> that's right. >> jimmy: you're one of the most accomplished athletes of our lifetime, both on and off the course. what is the one thing that you haven't done yet that's still on the list for tiger woods to accomplish? >> well, you and i had never gone head-to-head in ping-pong. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: no, we haven't. we haven't done ping-pong together. we've done almost everything else. >> correct. >> jimmy: yeah, we've never -- is that a -- that's something we can -- >> make a challenge, right? >> jimmy: yeah. 2024? >> done. >> jimmy: me versus tiger? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right, done. [ cheers and applause ] you're the best, man. always good to see you. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: tiger woods, everybody. sundayred.com. [ cheers and applause ] get your hands on the first ever launch of sun day red right now at midnight. we'll be right back with benny blanco. stick around. it's tonight! it's on tonight. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is an 11-time grammy-nominated artist, producer, and songwriter, who has a new cookbook and guide to entertaining called "open wide" which is available everywhere right now. please welcome benny blanco! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: come on. great to see you, my friend. benny, congrats on the book "open wide." welcome to the show. you've produced and written some of the most popular songs of our time. but this is an entertaining book, and a guide to dining, and wining and dining, and so i thought it'd be fun to have a a little -- a little kind of dinner with you. it's like -- [ loud crunching ] yeah, okay, yeah, perfect. [ laughter ] it's going out to dinner. what are we -- what are we doing tonight? >> oh, my god, that was good. >> jimmy: it was good? >> oh, my god, it's delicious.

>> jimmy: are you a big entertainer? >> am i an entertainer? yeah. i don't want to go to a a nightclub or anything. first of all, yeah, i'm way too short to be in a nightclub. [ light laughter ] no -- i can't be in a a nightclub. it's too loud. i want to be at home with my friends. i wanna drink until i can't see anymore. >> jimmy: yeah, okay, okay, that's good. [ light laughter ] that sounds fun. >> yeah, it's amazing. this book -- okay, basically what the book is, is it's "how do i throw the perfect dinner party," okay? how do i -- what do i drink? how do i -- what do i smoke? what music do i play while i'm just chilling? >> jimmy: oh yeah, you put some qr codes in here. >> yeah, we put qr codes, we have a playlist. it's "how do i kick my friends out when it's 12:00 and i want to go to bed?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how do you do that? >> okay, okay. here's my two rules. one, i sit down on the couch and i just close my eyes, and then that one kind of works. but number one way, number one way -- >> jimmy: wait, wait. you just close your eyes while everyone's having dinner? >> no, no, after dinner, when we're chilling. >> jimmy: oh, you're chilling now. >> you just like, kind of lean back, and you're like drifting in and out. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> but number one way, every single time, i just go, "hey, does anyone want to help me

clean up?" [ laughter ] instantly, instantly. >> jimmy: everyone leaves. everyone leaves. >> instantly everyone's gone. >> jimmy: that's kind of genius. [ cheers and applause ] that's brilliant. >> i leave my own house. >> jimmy: you're like, "i don't wanna help." >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: what are we having tonight? this is one of your favorite dinners you like to prepare. >> all right, we got steak. we got -- these potatoes are the greatest potatoes on planet earth. we got -- look at this bone-in. look how beautiful this is. >> jimmy: yeah, this is gorgeous. >> we got some whipped cream for us for later with some strawberries. >> jimmy: strawberries. [ laughter ] >> we got -- we got a nice salad. we got some red wine. >> jimmy: and what is this guy? >> okay, okay, biggest trick, okay? olive oil, you take a shot -- my friend nino taught me this. these old guys from italy came in. they said before you drink, you take a shot of this. you can't get hung over. impossible. >> jimmy: have you ever heard of this? >> audience: no. >> yes. >> who said "yes?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's nino. nino! >> nino! >> jimmy: nino, what's up? >> okay, we take it. we go one -- >> jimmy: take a shot. >> yeah, you go one, two, three, bam. [ audience ews ]

[ laughter ] i love it. >> jimmy: that could have been -- that could have been fake, by the way. >> oh, my god, it's spicy. this one's a -- >> jimmy: that's a little peppery olive oil. >> no, this is like classy. this like classy olive oil. >> jimmy: ugh, ooh, wow. right, now i need this one. >> yeah, now you get drunk. it's actually just to get you drunk. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but one of your -- one of your things that you do with your artists when you work with them is you use food to start a relationship. >> of course. >> jimmy: so, like, what does that mean? like, who -- what artist comes in, like -- what, sza comes in and goes -- >> yeah, okay. first time sza's ever at my house. >> jimmy: gotcha, here we go. >> she goes to the kitchen. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she's getting a glass of water. there's like, a small tupperware of something. she's like, "what's that?" and i was like, "oh, it's just like some banana pudding." she takes a bite. before the end of the night, pudding's gone, okay? >> jimmy: wow. >> and then the next day she comes in, she's like, "is there any more banana pudding?" and i was like, "no, but i did eat some lasagna yesterday." so she's eating lasagna. by the time we finished her album, i was a full-time restaurant. [ laughter ] she wouldn't come over. she bribed me.

she was like, "i'm not coming over unless i got the banana pudding, the lasagna, i need a a caesar salad --" >> jimmy: is that right? >> "i need spicy fusilli." yeah. >> jimmy: but that's how you -- you just get in there and start to get to know them through food? >> i'm not even good at making music. i just -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know about that. >> wouldn't you keep coming over to my house if i was just giving you like amazing food every day? >> jimmy: yeah, that's all i wanted. >> yeah, of course. come over. >> jimmy: so music is like a a side hustle for you? food is your main thing? >> no, it's the perfect -- it's the perfect introduction. are we eating? >> jimmy: yeah, let's have some. >> how does it even happen? i just want to eat potato. >> jimmy: yeah. how do -- what's the secret to these potatoes, do you know? >> no. yeah, i do know. [ laughter ] of course, i know. no, they're -- see how crispy they are on the outside? >> jimmy: they really are. >> then inside is soft, it's like a pillow. >> jimmy: yeah, this is gorgeous. >> yeah, you love this. don't you want to come over and make a number one song with me now? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, i really do. you know what i want to hear? >> what? >> jimmy: i wanna hear -- 'cause i know you worked with rihanna, you worked with our pal ed sheeran. and ed sheeran you did the album "divide" on a boat. >> we literally -- mm.

>> jimmy: this is good. >> wow, that's [ bleep ] good. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> that is good. um, okay. >> jimmy: we both shouldn't have eaten at the same time. >> yeah, i know. [ light laughter ] all right, that was good. okay. literally, i don't fly. >> jimmy: you don't fly? >> i took a boat to europe. i literally take the titanic to europe. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not true. >> no, it is. it's the same -- when you're on the boat, like day three, they're like, "this is where the titanic sank." and you're just in the middle of nowhere. >> jimmy: they shouldn't say that to anyone, yeah. >> what do you mean? it's amazing. me and ed sheeran watched it, actually -- we watched "titanic" in bed cuddling on the fourth night. [ laughter ] and it was -- >> jimmy: you did not! >> i swear. >> jimmy: you did with ed sheeran? >> i swear. >> jimmy: for writing the album "divide?" >> yeah, we literally wrote the album. and ed's so nice. the funniest thing -- >> jimmy: he's the best, dude. >> he's the nicest guy in the world. we would -- they gave us like a a room to write in. it was the same room that like -- there was like a a daytime pianist that was like this 85-year-old woman, and she would come in to practice every day and had no idea who either one of us was. and she was like, "hey, it's my

time to practice." and we'd be like in the middle of writing like -- >> jimmy: she'd throw you guys out? >> yeah, we were like in the middle of like writing like "perfect" or "happier." and she was like -- she was just like -- and ed's so nice. he's like, "okay." and he would like sit there, just like wait, just wait. [ light laughter ] she was a great pianist, i'll tell you. >> jimmy: and she didn't know you or ed sheeran? >> no, she didn't know anyone. i loved her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how did -- i love the story. but do you -- when you're there -- i mean, now you know how to do it. i mean, you've written so many great pop songs, and songs that are the most popular things on the radio. do you know -- do you have have a routine? you go, "jimmy, i know what we would do when we get together." how much time do you get with an artist? like, you spend a lot of time with ed on a boat. we're together, we have 15 minutes to write a a song, what do we do? >> me and you? >> jimmy: yeah. >> we call someone up who's better. [ laughter ] we call up the roots and have them -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: the roots. they could help. yeah, exactly. >> that's what we do. >> jimmy: but say a real -- you're with a real artist. >> okay, okay. here's what i do. >> jimmy: yeah. >> basically, i'm a therapist. so immediately the artist comes in.

>> jimmy: yeah. >> i got to figure out -- i got to pull out their deepest, darkest secret and then make -- make them feel comfortable enough to tell me it. then we have to write a song about it. then we have to figure out the melody for it. then we have to make sure the rest of the world likes it, as well. >> jimmy: it's kind -- >> i don't really care what the rest of the world likes, but for some reason, sometimes when we make the songs, people like 'em. >> jimmy: yeah. they -- you make really great songs. >> nah, man. >> jimmy: you really know what you're doing, bud. >> i don't. i really don't. honestly, i kind of black out, and then i wake up, and there's just like crumbs over me and a a song done. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you -- by the way, i saw your mom backstage. i'm so happy that sandy was here tonight. >> aw. >> jimmy: thank -- mom, thanks for being here and supporting your kid. [ cheers and applause ] he's done pretty well. the book is called "open wide." i just want to tell everyone, 'cause i love the book, i love the photos, but i also like your sense of humor. it's really good. some of the chapters -- ready? here's some of the chapters. "i wish i was an italian grandma." that's pretty good.

"take me to the cheesy rodeo." "why we only have thanksgiving once a year?" that's a great question. >> that's a question. >> jimmy: i love that food. i like this one. "stop asking me where to eat in new york and l.a." [ laughter ] >> i swear -- >> jimmy: everybody -- "where do we go, benny?" >> every -- nand it's always like -- someone's like, "hey, i'm in new york on 32nd street and i need a restaurant in the next 15 seconds." and then i'll get my friend -- you know one of my -- you know eric andre? >> jimmy: yeah. >> eric andre'll ask me for a a reservation, like the hardest reservation to get. and then i'll pull all the strings, i'll get it for him. and then he's like, "ah, we just went to denny's instead." [ laughter ] it's crazy. >> jimmy: that's very him. yeah, he's super funny. >> he's the sweetest man. >> jimmy: he's the funniest dude ever. but how do you go like from this, to go like -- and doing what you're doing to go like, "oh, i'm going to write a a book"? >> honestly it kind of happened by a mistake. i was just throwing -- i start throwing dinner parties in l.a., like, just with my friends. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and my other friend was having a, like, book release, and they did it at my house, and it was in like the "l.a.

times." and then the next day, my agent, who's actually here, called me and she was just like, "hey, do you want to make a cookbook?" and i was like, "yeah." like -- it was like -- no, it was like a dream. you know how you have those dreams that you don't tell anyone about? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you never think they could actually happen. i feel like my whole life is like that sort of dream, and i'm just, like, pinching myself -- literally this morning i was like, "what? i'm going to go see jimmy?" [ laughter ] like that was literally -- this morning, i was waking up. i was brushing my teeth and i was looking in the mirror, and i was like, "i'm going to see jimmy." >> jimmy: here we go. you're on "the tonight show." >> you're okay. >> jimmy: yeah, am i right? [ cheers and applause ] i'm so honored to have you here. thank you for the meal. benny blanco. "open wide" is available everywhere right now. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with stand up from todd barry. cheers. i'm gonna do that olive oil trick. that was spicy, what was it? [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest has his comedy special, "domestic shorthair" available now on youtube. making his "tonight show" debut, please welcome the very funny todd barry. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> all right. i live right here in new york city. the building i live in charges me $50 a month because i have a a cat. it's a spiteful pet fee to have. [ light laughter ] remember being in the leasing office, signing the lease, guy's like, "so it's just you in the apartment?" "yeah, just me and my cat." "oh, so it's not just you in the apartment.

[ laughter ] there's also something this big living there?" [ light laughter ] "yeah, she's the size of my toaster." "you have a toaster? [ laughter ] you gotta come clean with me, my man." [ laughter ] "all right. i have a couple of spoons also." [ light laughter ] "okay, we'll go 50 for the cat, 30 for the toaster. 8 bucks each for the spoons." [ light laughter ] i can make that joke last 19 hours if i wanted to. [ laughter and applause ] i'm trying to move into a fancy building, had to fill out this long application. they said, "do you have a pet?" i said, "i have a cat." they said, "we need to see a a picture of the cat." [ light laughter ] you think i'm lying about having a cat? [ laughter ] that's the kind of lies i tell? "i have a cat. i do not have a cat. [ laughter ] i don't know why i just said that." maybe they're just trying to

trip me up. "oh, you got me, it's really a a polar bear. [ light laughter ] i was gonna draw whiskers on him, hope for the best. i didn't realize you had this airtight screening process -- [ light laughter ] -- where you ask for a picture of the cat, because you know how hard it would be for me to go online and find a picture of a cat." [ laughter and applause ] and what are you going to do when you get that picture? "oh, no, no, no. not another calico." [ laughter ] supposed to brush my cat's teeth. that was sprung on me by my vet, "you gotta start brushing her teeth." i was like, "okay, i wouldn't have gotten the cat." [ laughter ] just saying -- had i known, i wouldn't have considered it for one second. but it's too late, i love her. so i went on youtube looking for tutorials how to brush your cat's teeth. [ light laughter ] thought there might be one or two, there's thousands of them. [ laughter ] all the same, none of 'em are helpful. they're all like, "here's like

how you brush your cat's teeth. first, start out with the world's most relaxed cat. [ laughter ] you got that?" no, i don't got that. shockingly i do not have that. "place her carefully on this table specifically designed to examine animals. [ light laughter ] you can get one at your local veterinary supply store for $6,000. [ laughter ] now, take the toothbrush and toothpaste --" i watch it, "oh, my god, she took it from my hand. [ light laughter ] she's taking the cap off the toothpaste. she's brushing her own teeth. [ laughter ] crest white strips, where'd you get those, baby?" [ laughter ] they have cat cafes now. [ scattered cheers ] coffee shops -- [ light laughter ] they have cat cafes now. [ laughter ] coffee shops with cats roaming around in them. they're great. i go to these when i'm on the road. usually there's like 20 or 30 cats at these places.

i went to one in sweden that had six cats. and they were proud of it, like, "we have six cats here." it's like, if i went to a a non-cat cafe, and they had six cats there i'd be like, "oh, there's a few cats in here." [ laughter ] i wouldn't be like, "whoa. did i accidentally wander into a cat cafe? [ laughter ] i am counting one -- six whole cats." i'm five cats and a mr. coffee away from having a swedish cat cafe. [ cheers and applause ] i'm just doing cat jokes tonight, by the way. [ laughter ] it's fun being a new cat owner, get to buy her stuff. i was on amazon looking at cat treats. found a brand of cat treat, there's a bunch of reviews next to it, saw there was a one-star review. i was like, "ooh, i gotta read a one-star review of a cat treat." [ light laughter ]

this was the entire review. "my cat didn't like this." [ laughter ] "guys, it is keyboard. i'm going to keep this lean and mean. my cat didn't like this. boom, the end." [ laughter ] i could just see that guy at home, "hey, pockets, come here. got some new treats for you to try. what do you think? oh, you don't like them? oh, don't worry, daddy'll bankrupt the company. [ laughter and applause ] 'well, just try a different brand,' don't be so petty. you don't be so polite, pockets. i'm going to crush them." thank you very much, folks. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: "daddy's gonna bankrupt them"? todd barry! [ cheers and applause ] "domestic shorthair" is available now on youtube. we'll be right back, everybody. come on over. thank you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

it's a beautiful... ...day to fly. wooooo!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to tiger woods, benny blanco, todd barry once again ladies and gentlemen. todd barry. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." goodnight everybody. bye-bye. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- joe manganiello, host of msnbc's "way too early," journalist jonathan lemire