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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  May 3, 2024 7:00pm-8:00pm PDT

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that prevented they say investigators from being able to determine just how the workers might have been exposed to the virus on that farm. what's more since then at least 9 states according to the cdc have allegedly detected cow infections from the virus. you get a ballot box. you get a ballot box. that's why some cracks are saying. let's hope they are wrong. >> thank you very much. unfortunately that's all the time we have left for tonight. you can catch me weekdays at noon right here on the fox news channel. tune in at noon to eat lunch with us. sean is back on monday. have a great weekend. [ cheering and applause ]
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[ ♪♪ ] >> yes indeed. i know. i know. i know. i know. i couldn't agree more. it is friday see you know that means. let's welcome tonight's just. she says wholly as the southern border. host of fox news sunday shannon bury. [ cheering and applause ] while most are still snoring he is on air being boring. fox first host todd pyro. [ cheering and applause ] she's petite not need to and refuses to eat. new york times best selling author and contributor. [ cheering and applause ] and he's large in charge and still listens to debarge. new york times best-selling
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author comedian and former nwa world champion. all right. yeah, baby before we get to stories let's do this. [ ♪♪ ] >> leftovers. >> greg: its leftovers where i read the jokes we didn't use this week but as always it's my first time reading than so if they sack will send joe mackey to a college campus wearing i hate palestinians shirt. joe biden used the white house correspondents dinner to show the world he's not too old to be president. but he did show them he's too old to eat dinner. ozzy osbourne wants to perform again saying i would like to do an effing gig without falling over. same said 1 old man.
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yeah. ice cream shop worker in minnesota was fired for accepting a 100-dollar tip because the shop owner says some elderly customers have dementia. i wonder which customer tipped her. terrible. federal officials say that in 2023 older americans were built out of more than $3.4 billion by online scammers. and related news president biden took out a reverse mortgage on the white house. so california has been ranked 1 of the most dangerous places to raise a family. on the bright side it's been ranked 1 of the safest places to murder her family. good news for you shannon. maile ozempic users are saying 1 of the side effects of the drug is erectile dysfunction.
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but despite that most of the patients looked great. >> why do i sign up for this month-to-month. >> greg: another boeing whistleblower has died suddenly. that makes 2 whistleblowers dead. imagine working at boeing right now. thankfully the company asked all employees with concerns to refer to the chapter in the human resources manual in case you die suddenly. they should have another chapter that says no whistleblowing. [ laughter ] sex shop in san francisco named may national masturbation month because apparently we need a month for that. what a bunch of jerk offs. [ applause ]
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shannon is blushing. yes. in her new book entitled no going back christina details the time she had to shoot a difficult and trainable dog. i thought she was talking about me said 1 man. google it if you don't get the joke. any van halen's ex-wife shared in the documentary that her ex was into drinking drugs and cheating on her. yup another woman surprised by a rock start acting like a rock star. coming soon in documentary featuring a shocking exposé of a bear [ bleep ] in the woods. california lawmaker
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introduced a bill banning excessive homework because if there's 1 thing the world doesn't need it's smarter californians. washington dc mayor muriel bowser is boasting that the city has gone entire week without a murder. congratulations. and in the last 10 minutes i haven't called joy behar ugly. yet. the biotin administration announced they will declassify part is a serious drug in order to court young voters. they also declassified fentanyl to court dead voters. i know. mcdonald's has announced plans to make the largest burger ever and it's already been endorsed by a panel of trusted experts. the number of transgender troops
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in the u.s. army has doubled since 2020. prompting this new design of the famous uncle sam poster. uk police released a poster of a wanted criminal that people think looks a lot like secretary of transportation pete buttigieg when asked if he was concerned mayor pete said what me worried? a mr softy tracking app has the ability to locate every ice cream truck in nyc. and you won't believe the guy who created it. all right. to the news. so after spoiled riders caused distress someone else cleans up the mess source cops break up in kevin's at our nation's colleges we are seeing the litter and distraction the protesters left
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behind. ucla looks like a landfill matching the rest of california. well done protesters. just a few days you did but it took the homeless years to accomplish with skidrow. tons of graffiti cover university buildings which is the most writing the students have done all year. the garbage left behind by people who regularly chastise you over the environment. it's now like every liberal city all that's missing is aborted up walgreens and blm mansion. now campus employees are left cleaning up the mess. and you paying for. meanwhile at portland state you police moved into breakup the occupation of the campus library where this happened. [ cheering and applause ] yeah,. >> stop you're under arrest.
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[ cheering and applause ] nice shield sir flops a lot. this is what happens were nerds from the drama club make their own props. i only hope they saved a few trash cans because they need them for the resumes. but that's still not as funny as this classic moment. >> you're hurting me. you're hurting me. that makes 301 times i watched it. and here straight from new pulse new york school's president prophetically lessons as protesters claim 10s on campus should be allowed because sometimes they have hammocks special retake down the 10s? >> no.
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>> reporter: 10s or problem i know that's in a policy. hammocks on the policy and that's been ignored for years on end and is used in the marketing campaigns. it's unfair we are using the policy now but have not been using to the hannah's for years on. >> the hammocks don't stare permanently. >> when it's nice out hammocks are out 24/7. i see marketing and social media team frequently is that. >> greg: that's like saying it's okay to kill people because sometimes hillary clinton does. but i'm no fan of hammocks either. that knitting makes my bear [ bleep ] look like a honeybaked ham. we also saw these losers demanding food delivery because their lives are in danger. >> do you on students to die of dehydration and starvation or get severely ill even if they disagree with you? this is basic humanitarian aid. could people have a glass of water. >> no.
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they're so used to having their demands catered to they literally demand catering. never before have people who have contributed so little demanded so much. so this may be the most hilarious protest in history. but in this comedy it's easy to forget how hateful they really are. so let's do some reminding. when you have an ideology that encourages the execution of gays and unmarried girls were not virgins we can say that is evil. it's obvious because it's brutal and causes suffering. but there's something just as evil and it's the intent, the pleasure and certitude driving those evil acts. we are not seen these acts on campus but what you're seeing in those faces and voices are the seeds of them. the certitude, blind dogma and impulse for retribution, the spores of october 7. it is why you cannot equate islamophobia with anti-semitism.
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this helps and so i the protesters seem so naïve yet hangry tech inc. current but deadly certain, passionate but deeply unwell. they are physically and spiritually sick, for their operating from the manual of a punitive ideology and i don't mean as long. i mean another iteration of marxism that simply absorbs new allies. they don't wish to progress but to punish. so as he scanned these images you see a profound ugliness. not just the appearances. it is the souls and that's no laughing matter. [ cheering and applause ] >> greg: shannon! shannon that weather you look like heavens angel. you see what they did to the campuses, the graffiti. obviously you can paint over it that that's actual destruction. that's criminal and they
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probably will not be charged for and the taxpayers will foot the bill. is a lawyer what say you, and as shannon what say you? >> what i say is it's hard for them to success to take this seriously when they haven't taken seriously. the planning of the revolution and to be fair maybe some this is their first resolution has not gone well. they're putting out demands of lists they want vegan meals. they want electrical generators. they want zip ties. what are they going to be doing with that? they are asking for prescription meds. if you cannot plan your protests appropriately i don't know why other people are supposed to come bail you out. some folks say what about the resumes? they have a criminal record all those kind of things. i would not not higher than because of their ideology or whatever if i'm an employer. i would say these people cannot handle basic tasks. they did not plan this well so
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for that reason is an employee would not be interested. >> a lot of people don't now but you were quite the protester mainly against the ban of khakis at the country club. some but he had to take a stand. >> you are on the front lines. you are the rosa parks of the golf cart. no. >> i just came up with that. just gave me the headshake. do think they'll face any real punishment? you claim to be a lawyer. >> we know that they won't. that's what's so wrong because we as a society right now there's no consequences to any bad action, and that's not how you run a society. if you other observations. that a video of them running with the half garbage can looks like those individuals have never watched a sport before much less participated in 1. secondarily we need to give those cops across our country huge props because not only-- you can clap for that. not only did they risk their lives and their safety to go
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into it clearly was an unknown situation for a lot of them but they literally went into human septic tank to do so. none of those people showered for days leading up to that. and finally my last piece of red meet for the base. >> that's why you're here. >> for those that are vegan i think the best punishment would be lock them in a room with a big juicy steak. literal red meet for the base. i figured out the formula. he figured it out. everybody. >> it only took me 3 years on the show. prostituting their cheers. 100 and 10%. okay is it possible that this is endorsed protest ever. it's just that it doesn't have the romantic lens like we've always seen the sixties and seventies through 16 millimetre film. it is grainy and kind of like
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it's cinematic. but all of the stuff is on phones. we see everything, like the pettiness. would it be this protests were a lot like this all along. >> i can believe you didn't bring up you chicago list of demands. they had dental dams, plan b and hiv tests. okay. so 2 things. first of all the obvious is what do you guys doing over there. the second thing is they did not ask for condoms. >> there was no men there. >> for the hiv tests over condoms. what are you doing guys? >> greg: hiv tests. >> putting the cart before the proverbial horse. >> right. >> greg: where is that shirt from? >> i am selling them. thank you. [ cheering and applause ] yeah, there's also mugs as well.
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there's mugs as well. >> beautiful hand model. >> the boomers own all the homes but the rest of us can at least on these shirts and those mugs. >> these are normal size just so you know. >> greg: all right tyrus. are you a hammock? [ laughter ] >> i will make 1 out of you and todd. [ cheering and applause ] >> i disagree on 1 thing. police officers did not need props. they need raises. let's get some money. >> in your face. >> i need today for it. i can get like this. see?
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they are the worst because their commitment is based on camera time. if you were really down to protest where is the hunger strike? you know what i'm saying? because in the seventies they did hunger strikes and they were there to the point where the other side was like what do you want? it is day 13. it is day 20. a gregory went damn near year drinking water and stuff while protesting. so they are not really committed they are doing it for this. it's only time she's ever going to get that much attention. that's why they asked for stuff. they're not really down for any of this. and another thing is they have been given a wonderful solution. the beautiful entertaining university of iran has offered them all scholarships. i say we all get a gofundme together and get him some tickets.
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[ cheering and applause ] that's how you do it. i didn't have to ask. >> i have been served. >> greg: you have. we must move on. cannot song about the mile high keep denver from running dry? ♪ missing out on the things you love because of asthma? get back to better breathing with fasenra, an add-on treatment for eosinophilic asthma that is taken once every 8 weeks. fasenra is not for sudden breathing problems or other eosinophilic conditions. allergic reactions may occur. don't stop your asthma treatments without talking with your doctor. tell your doctor if your asthma worsens. headache and sore throat may occur. tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. step back out there with fasenra. ask your doctor if it's right for you.
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>> it's video of the day. [ cheering and applause ] >> i should probably 10 my arms. they hope to cut water demand by aping a boy band. video of the day comes from denver colorado where the local water department released the
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backstreet boys parity about responsible summer water usage. debra suffers from extreme and accelerating drought conditions but enough about the broncos. so bad in fact that back in 2021 the first-ever federal emergency water shortage declaration was declared. but fear not helpful water tips are here. ♪ the world needs water attack when it gets harder ♪ believe these dry days that i water that. tamayo my the waters rainy, don't matter when it's raining tell me why. >> i don't know about you but i've never felt more motivated to conserve water. i want more that way.
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♪ don't water in the daytime, don't water in the sunshine, don't let it all evaporate, i water that way ♪ ♪ now i can see that you've taken the heart, the watering rules baby ♪ >> greg: well. [ laughter ] got to hand it to them. that's not bad considering it has been decades since the backstreet boys made anyone moist. [ laughter ] you, you were in a book band -- boy band called the brooks brothers. >> yeah. we were awesome. we crushed j.crew. it was like the nineties. j.crew, banana republic. i was brooks brothers. i thought we were the best.
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>> greg: good for you. >> thank you. >> greg: 2 lived j.crew. persuasive, wise way to spend money? >> i was pretty sure the most disturbing video of the week was the video of the protests. i stand corrected." so you mentioned the .25 years ago way to strike while the iron's are hot denver. he really got after out there all of whom are my age now and if i didn't denver and i see this i'm turning on all my faucets. i'm turning on my spring first 24/7 and flushing my toilet with reckless abandon. they need to be taught a lesson. that's not right. >> greg: all right. strong. we didn't take any prisoners with the brooks brothers band. thought you guys were a capella. >> don't worry about it. >> you know you don't have a lawn. we can't really lecture these
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poor people or can we. let's do it. i don't have outside. maybe someday. i think this was not persuasive not really particularly because of the song but also i was noticing when i watch the video the grass and it looks like [ bleep ]. do it the way we say to do it. it is all brown and dying. look at that. you grass looks like that all your neighbours talk about how you are on drugs probably or something. come on. at least find some living grass. >> greg: think about all the water you need to clean those white, what are the called outfits? clothes. >> clothing. >> greg: did you know the makers of coors pledged to brew their beer with 22% less water? what would be left? >> i don't know.
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i have been gainfully employed 30 years so there is no need for coors. looks a money that they spent on this they could have bought a [ bleep ] ton of water bottles and pasta them out. this is the problem with woke america. they try to make everything fun. it's a [ bleep ] drought. ocasio some dead cattle with the bones rotted out. people fighting over the streets for a bottle of water. that's an attention getter. i don't want someone to look into my house and steal my yard hose. may be i will be concerning my water. conserving my water. if i'm sitting at home eating a tv dinner, maybe i'm going to take a bath tonight. like instead of a shower. give them real information. the best part at the end they have you know about the little a
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capella band you were in, the 1 at the end wasn't hitting the note. sometimes he forgot to tell the truth instead of trying to make it cute because i want to do is punch someone drinking water. >> shannon. [ applause ] >> greg: i'm going to get a little factual on you. do you know who gets the most water from the colorado river? california. most of their water rights are earmarked for the imperial district in southern california. so this is actually about water rights. just like that movie chinatown. whole movie was about water rights. what is california because of the problems? >> a lot of the stuff is litigated where i spent a lot of my time at the supreme court because water is a valuable commodity out west and they are suing each of the left and right. going into the sows prepared to hate this video and i didn't. i kind of loved it. the voices are not bad.
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there are numerous costume and set changes have we of all talked about. a lot of money spent on this thing. and time away from work and offices. so could the money have been spent differently good question. i was getting place are added know if we have video of this, the menacing dancing toilet. who looks very frightening. has sort of a tool and is kind of hitting in his hands like he is gone to show up at your house i can going to take care of business. i might be inside trying to take care of business. and they are there to police how i'm doing it so i was with them until the dancing toilet. >> i would love to have a dancing toilet. >> you don't? i know exactly how to shut it up. up next why did they take a solo of me when you talk about taking a crap? that's very odd. must have been your last joke. that's it. that's 1 too many. you are disinvited from the brooks brothers reunion tour. take my eyes not my ticket.
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which may worsen kidney problems. living with type 2 diabetes? ask about the power of 3 with ozempic®. ♪ we got another clip for you. it's video of the day ♪ part 2 is robotics rapidly advancing? witness this dogs dancing. our second video of the day comes from boston dynamics who unveiled a friendly fir covered version of the robot dog spot. introducing sparkles.
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where's christine bowman you need her? by the way she's going to be on tuesday so should be fun. bring your pet night. >> i have to say they're really like her now. i bet. what do you make of this masquerade in this machinery as something carly. >> you know who must be really worried about this? puppeteers. filak there's probably not that many of those jobs as it is. and now robots are going to be
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doing? >> that's true. >> it's hard to find puppeteer work. i lived with 1 once. >> did you really love with a puppeteer? >> yeah, when i first started you first hire me i was living with the puppeteer in brooklyn. a legend. a puppeteer in brooklyn. that's were you hired. talk to yourself not made. tyrus it's like putting a onesie on a machine gun. it's still a machine gun. literally last week the same cute fuzzy dog had a flamethrower so just because you sprinkle it up but still a death machine. the only thing is with superabsorbent dog fir it might slow down my water attack a little bit. but i don't know. who is this for the terminally ill? who's going to be in the hospital wanting to see this coming up to him? all the movements are robotic and lack any soul or life. it's scary.
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like if my daughter is getting her chances of here comes the robot dogs and then she's in trauma. like nobody. >> is just going to be something that carries your luggage. it's not going to be a pet. this is 1 of those things were coloured a dog because it's on 4 legs but it's basically going to put can basically be a coffee table it moves. >> my question is who is this for and why when we know there's a deadly heartless killing machine underneath this, every 10 people see the videos they are horrified and have nightmares about it can to put something fluffy on top of it then makes me ask the question like why are they trying to integrate this into our hearts and homes in any way. >> greg: you answer her. he always sides with the robots. thank god to me this is sort of like clowns who we know most are terrifying and scary but we've all seen the movie where they are in their cute disguises look
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all fluffy and cute but they show up at the carnival and start killing everybody. i'll never trust this dog. thank god we do have a robot here today. it's kind of interesting because it's like they claim it's a robot but you cannot call something a robot if it's programmed. if there's somebody off on the side going like this a robot has to be autonomous. i think this is false advertising. i think it's stupid. wife you are dressing up as a dog why did you just sit in drag? this is a drag a dog. this is a drag dog. you're so redmeat today. what's happening to our robot dogs? asks todd pyro. this is great for us. i just got a segment for monday show. i'm going to piss pitch is a seaman you want in the robots come and kill all of us -- this dylan mulvaney robot going after
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us. did i go too far? sort the brooks brothers a cappella concert we are going to serve the vegans stake! [ cheering and applause ] i got this. they just gave me a look like an going to die after the show. we must move on. coming up joe mumbles and lies and destroys our allies. agitis, and relieve related heartburn. voquezna is the first and only fda-approved treatment of its kind. 93% of adults were healed by two months. of those healed, 79% stayed healed. and voquezna can provide heartburn-free days and nights. other serious stomach conditions may still exist. don't take if allergic to voquezna or while on products with rilpivirine.
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a story in 5 words. >> greg: story in 5 words. biden ally japan xenophobic. tyrus in a wednesday. biden labelled our ally japan xenophobic for not accepting immigrants comparing them to china and russia. is this proof biden can see anything, not remember it and have no consequences?
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>> thanks to him xbox will be $10,000. thanks a lot. i think it's funny. we can't control our borders under telling other countries had to control there's. that's a laugh. >> it's just nice to see joe piss on a country that isn't america. redmeat. >> well done. it's crazy there was a line in the article and i love 1 of japan's leaders in response right is not that we're xenophobic. we are being cautious after seeing your failures. and that's a big smack in the face. it underscores this notion joe tries to put out we are a country of immigrants. you are right. those immigrants that were not illegal came here the proper way cat worked there tail off, became part of the american dream and got the american dream for themselves. the people coming over now that are illegal are doing at the
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wrong way and they are just sucking on the taxpayer teach. >> todd has so much redmeat going on i am worried my cholesterol is upsetting here. >> what is a teat? when we were in the brooks brothers band. >> you've got a lot of teat. was that wrong? >> greg: i don't know. shannon. obviously japan is xenophobic. look how godzilla. >> here's my question this is not in camera because it was at a fundraiser swallow get from right white house is transcript. was he reading off the prompter because you know if you put it in there he's going to say it. so i want to know was it scripted and the person who reported in the word xenophobic obviously get a deal with them but most likely it was
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off-the-cuff and that's what he really thinks because that's where the white house doesn't want him going on scripted in this kind of thing and if i'm japan this is the guy you're dating who's like i'm crazy about you you are awesome. he's telling other people to lose 10 pounds and i'm single to courtice japan supposed to think about this? >> maybe when he said xenophobic he met seen a warrior princess. >> i wasn't allowed to watch that. yeah, i co-john kirby said he just was saying immigrants are important part of this country like that's what he was sitting could have stopped it there instead of adding the part or he was like also japan you sack. if i'm japan i'm like barho where did that come from? no 1 is even talking about japan right now. >> it's crazy. it's the opposite of trump where trump will say nice things about everybody like north korea and then behind-the-scenes he will
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rip you a new 1. joe biden does the opposite. you'll slap you on the back publicly and then [ bleep ] all of you in public. >> i just don't know why. maybe he's senile. i mean it's not even a joke anymore. i hate to tell you people. >> maybe he's been on that teat too long. >> greg: we learn so much year. knocked up next the last part o♪ the show answer things you want to know. and look at me now. you'll never truly forget migraine but qulipta reduces attacks making zero-migraine days possible. it's the only pill of its kind that blocks cgrp and is approved to prevent migraine of any frequency. to help give you that forget you get migraine feeling. don't take if allergic to qulipta. most common side effects are nausea, constipation and sleepiness. learn how abbvie could help you save.
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[ cheering and applause ] you're watching mailing it in. let's go fast so we get a few in. first question what's your favourite smell from cat head. shannon. >> sheldon green. >> greg: that's her husband. smells like a man. >> greg: smells like a man. what does a man smell like. >> like he can take care of business. all right. aside from desperation what is your favourite smell? >> why do i come here for this.
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joe biden my kids after rebates them drive them in put them in their pjs. it's nice but also creepy. your favourite smell? >> the small of thanksgiving in the kitchen. >> that is nice. that is nice. cat? >> i'm love when i am worried i might smell and i check i don't. >> that's the best smell of all. i was going to say coffee. i like the smell of coffee. it drives me crazy and i have to go to the bathroom. nice knockoff you i have to run to the bathroom. i knew it. this is a great question from jay chisholm. did you ever get the birds and the bees talk from your parents? >> no. >> not beyond don't. >> what's that now?
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there is a talk. interesting. i'm not familiar. you never had the birds in the bees? >> my kids just arrived from stork. >> did you ever get it? my kids just arrived from the stork because i never had a talk. keep up. >> i learned about the birds in the bees from 1 leg and by a lady named claire. >> greg: that was you? >> oh boy. >> rip. >> greg: she could do a lot with that single leg. >> the word teat wasn't big enough for claire. >> greg: shannon. >> it was in the contest of a sunday school lesson. >> greg: aunt people of each other god brings them together to celebrate the sacrament of marriage and the rest of it. >> greg: then they just get down and dirty. >> that was claire. >> i believe it is become 1. >> greg: my mom when i asked her where i came from literally pointed down there.
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came from out of here between the legs. that's what my mother said. and it got even more graphic but i won't get into it. we have time for another 1? but eventually you most anxious about participating in and when the time came you found there wasn't much to have been anxious about todd? >> it was the first time on tv. like this is your moment don't mess it up. i went to cover indiana jones movie premiere. i covered it and was financially are today getting roasted. once per month. >> my first wrestlemania i was stephanie mcmahon said to me just think of it as you're performing in front of a city, like that's not better. and she was right. he could feel the heat and electricity from 70,000 people just watching like this.
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>> greg: cat. >> getting married. >> that's a good 1. shannon. >> every time i come on the show. and i'm going to get in trouble. so i just plan for it. >> i'm going to say my first i took a vacation and didn't drink for the entire vacation and that it was going to be crazy and it was a good vacation. >> you want to tell them? 's you are crazy. don't go away. we'll be right back.
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if you have chronic kidney disease you can reduce the risk of kidney failure with farxiga. because there are places you'd like to be. farxiga can cause serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal, dehydration, urinary tract, or genital yeast infections, and low blood sugar. a rare, life-threatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. ♪ far-xi-ga ♪ (♪) hey folks, chris counahan for leaffilter—the permanent gutter solution that protects your home in so many ways, it takes more than one chris to explain it. am i right chris? that's right chris.
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but together, i think we've got the job covered. like leaffilter has your gutters covered - keeping out debris, like this. and protecting you from getting up on this thing to clean out your gutters ever again. and our install process keeps your roof warranty in tact. exactly, chris. and you know how else leaffilter protects your home? how's that chris? i don't know, i'm asking you. oh. ah, by redirecting water away from your foundation. sure, and? with our lifetime transferable no clogs warranty. at leaffilter, we stand by our work for as long as you own your home. longer chris. whoa that's huge. how do folks get leaffilter? we'd be glad to come out for a free no-hassle inspection. to schedule your free inspection, call 833-leaffilter today or visit leaffilter.com leaffilter. we're small enough to listen, (together) big enough to deliver.
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harry & david makes mother's day easy. share a gift, made with love, with the mom in your life. choose from hundreds of stunning baskets and towers. it's the perfect way to say thank you - for everything. harry & david. life is a gift. share more.
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[ cheering and applause ] >> thank you. i love you america. >> good evening it is 11:00 pm on the east coast and 8:00 her

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